Well… this is getting … exhausting. I’m upset today. And tired. The reason these conversations have been taking so long to have with all the people we need to have them with, is that they just plain wipe me out and exhaust me. I can only do so many in a stretch. The goal of this post is to just provide a real and truthful entry into how difficult this has been. In fact, it actually worked in our favor at the end of the Talk today that I was so emotional about it. I was able to say that even though this is clearly so incredibly difficult for me, I am still going. He acknowledged that that meant something. So, here’s an inside look into some of the specific struggles and emotions associated with converting from Protestantism to Catholicism.
I think the crux of it is that we are, as we were told today, thought of as deep thinkers, and the idea of us making this change is almost inconceivable. How could such deep thinkers become Catholic? I suggest, that is precisely why we are becoming Catholic. It doesn’t reconcile with them. I can understand that would provoke emotion. There is so much more respect for theological differences between Protestant denominations than there is between Protestants and Catholics.
There are so many times when I am in one of the “Talks” and I don’t feel like I have the right words to say at the right moment. We were talking today with someone who has a Masters in Divinity, so there was no way we were going to know more than him in some areas. I respect the time he’s devoted to his study of God.
But… if I could have said everything I wanted to say, at the right moment… I did say some things, but, man, when words fail. They fail too much in my opinion. Right when I need them. Some things I know the answers to, or at least can explain my thinking on, some things I don’t. But I am comforted to know that logical, cohesive answers are out there, and easily accessible to me. Just not in the middle of difficult conversations, unfortunately. And, you know what, maybe that is good for me in the long run. I am not a know-it-all. I have a lot to learn. But, I still feel like it would be nice to be able to explain myself like I can on this blog when I’m in a conversation with somebody.
One of the most hurtful parts of this all is that I have been a Christian since I could comprehend who Jesus was. I have had Catholic people question my faith when I was Protestant, and now I have Protestant people questioning my faith now that I’m becoming Catholic. It’s just difficult.
I respect others as deep thinking people who have good and sincere reasons for their beliefs, even if we disagree. I do believe in Truth, but to push so hard on someone who has so much in common with you such as to make them cry is too much… but then I find myself acknowledging I’ve been on the other side of things- I’ve unintentionally pushed too hard and upset some friends. So it’s on me, too.
All that to say, we have been very thankful for the support of everyone who has been supportive so far. One of the arguments we heard today was that all of our friends think this is a bad decision, so it should give us pause. He didn’t know about the many friends and family in on the other side of things that are happy for us, and support the decision.
Everyone’s prayers and encouragement are definitely heard and felt. In fact, my Confirmation Sponsor, JP’s Aunt Lorraine, arranged for the Nuns of Our Lady of the Angels Monastery to pray for our family during this time.
Prayer for our family starts today and goes through the 22nd.
Please, pray for our family as we continue this journey. Pray for strength of faith, for grace from and for friends and for relationships to be preserved. For the wisdom of what words to say and what words not to say. For us to be able to provide a different face to Catholicism to our Protestant friends, to break down walls and barriers and to remove misconceptions through our love and our lives.